Saturday 28 September 2013

Wish it wasn't me

I wish it wasn't me who was picked to have the body that doesn't work
I wish it wasn't me who had to suffer pain
I wish it wasn't so darn hard to get through a day.

I'm in a down mood tonight and most of you will know that is not like me at all, jolly by name jolly by nature. Even the most jolly can have a bad day.
I will not bore you to death but I have a few health issues. I have a terrible bad back, arthritis, and fibromyagia, bad knee and very over weight.
I live every day with pain and even though I maintain a happy outside, inside I'm screaming. I keep it well under cover as no one wants to hear someone moan constantly. And I have to be honest I am not sure anyone would hear me. My husband now switches off and I often feel trapped in this bubble . The pain is all day on and off and at night. Every time I move it hurts and it so holds me back from doing so much.

A friend recently went away on a most wonderful holiday. I was delighted for them and looked forward to seeing all her pictures . I was so pleased for her and also wished I could do the same. In reality I know it would not be able to happen. This made me sad as there was so much I hope to do with my life. I want to climb walls, jump from a tall building or drive a fast car. I want to visit different countries and enjoy them. I want to walk and walk and have it never hurt. I want all this and more.

I also would love to be spoiled sometimes and have someone say "Its ok we know what you are going through, we can help" even if its once. When I say I'm not feeling good today rather than no reaction I would like to hear that I am understood.
My life is mostly at home. Its so hard to get out as walking hurts, the weight hurts, life hurts.

Have no fear jollyjilly will return I am sure. Lets put on the mask and smile for the world and hide the pain for another day.


 I wish it wasn't me

Monday 23 September 2013

Forever Love




This is a picture of myself and my husband Kevin. It was taken on our wedding day on the 7th July 1979.
Kevin was in the Royal Navy and he wrote to the local newspaper asking for penpals. I had always loved to write and I thought he must have such an interesting life. So I started writing to him and by the end of that year I couldn't wait to get a letter. In December 1978 he came home and asked if we could meet to say thank you for all the letters.
My dad was not happy about meeting some unknown sailor and insisted he come home first. To cut a long story short by January 1979 we were engaged (four weeks after meeting) and by July we were married.

We had lots of problems at the start as people thought we were too young and had not known each other long enough. Well this July gone we had our 34th wedding anniversary and we are still together. Its not maybe the silly young love, but its a mature strong love that keeps us together. He is a great husband and dad and has worked hard to make a wonderful life for us.

So Kevin remember "Always and forever"



Monday 16 September 2013

My world in pictures

7th July 1979 wedding day

Matthew and Karen's wedding

Kevin being kevin
Mum and Dad

Matthew and a very slim me

Me lol

Me and Dad in Spain

My nephew Sam and Niece Emma

My Church just accross from the house

Where I live

Natalie and me

Matthew and Natalie 

Me

Matthew and Me

Whole family before Natalie lost 12 st

Sunday 15 September 2013

Dear Friends

At the age of 55 I have had many friends in my life. As a child I was fairly lonely and bullied at school and was always that square peg in a round hole. I had weight issues which meant I was bullied, this in turn effected my confidence.
I have had many penfriends and e mail friends over the years and I really believe you can be good pals without even meeting. My penpals started when I was 10 and the first was Carla in Canada. I so remember the excitement of the letter landing on the mat. I still chat to her all these years on, but via face book these days.

Later on there was Janie, Darian and April and one special UK friend Jane. All of these ladies hold a special place in my heart.

When my daughter was five she had a party. We already had the amount I wanted when she asked if she could bring someone else. I gave in to keep her happy once I knew she just lived across the street. Then when the new school week started she asked to walk to school with her.

The little girl was called Lindsey and she was the same age as my daughter. I met her mum that day as well, her name was Sue. It was to be the start of a long , long relationship . As our children grew we still stayed friends and that's been for over 20years now.

I think you are lucky if you have at least one friend like this in your life time and when you do you hang on to them.
So to Sue, Laurence, Lesley, Lindsey, Liz and Amy thank you for all the years and many more to come.


Thursday 5 September 2013

Family Tree

This week I have been working really hard on my family tree. I have spent many hours over years tracking down members. I find it so exciting when I find a link to the past and think of them and their life. It can also be expensive and frustrating at times. I so wish I could find more pictures of the really long past family as it would really bring it to life. I took out a subscription to Ancestry.co.uk  which cost me around £12.00 a month. It seems a lot but I think its good value and better than paying as you go along.
It also gives me great pleasure to share with the younger members of the family who are interested in their past. I love finding old pictures which bring the past right into today. This picture is one I love as it is my dear parents on their wedding day and I think they look so happy.



I know my mum said they had to make her dress from parachute silk and I really think they all looked fab.
Its easy to forget where we came from and all those happy memories from the past.



How fun is this picture. Too many to name but the cheeky kids are my brother Tony and my cousin Pat. My parents Tom and Grace and my aunt Mary. There are also aunt  and uncles and my nan. Apart from Tony and Pat every one has passed away which is sad, but finding a treasure like this makes it sweet.


This one made me laugh as my dad is modelling his speedo's all the rage then. Once again my nan, uncle, aunt my brother and cousins make up the picture.

This is my last for today and i have no idea what my brother was doing lol. So wish me luck with the tree I will keep you posted as to my progress.

Monday 2 September 2013

Picture Prompt ..... family memories

So this week I was thinking of looking for  my picture prompt when I can across a memory stick my cousin sent me. When I opened it I really enjoyed looking at all the pictures he had put on there of my family.
Many of them are not alive anymore so getting a chance to think of them again really was rather nice. There was so many it would take more than one post but I have a few to start with .


This first one is of my grandmother Edith, my aunt Mary, my great aunt Grace and my mum Grace. I never got to really meet my nan as she passed away when I was two but all the others a knew and loved. In fact it was my cousin Brian who gave me the picture. His mum is Mary. Sadly all the lovely ladies in this picture have passed away, but always remembered . My wonderful mum is always in my heart. I love the old car in the picture, very of its time which must have been the 1950's.


The next picture is of my mum Grace and my older brother Tony, I think he looks very sweet and mum very smart. I don't know where it was taken but he looks young so I am thinking very early 1950's.


This next one is so great. It was taken in 1936 and it is my uncle Tom and My mum Grace. I thought it was great with the clothes and hairstyles. It would have made my mum laugh to see it.


When I see this picture I am amazed I have it. It is of my Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary looking very young. The man in the deck chair is my granddad Tom. My mother would tell me stories all about him and how much she loved him. He was disabled but it never stopped him having a life and job.


My last picture for today is of my Uncle Tom and my dad Tom. They both look so handsome and young, wish they were around today.
So I hope you enjoyed a little look at my family and I promise more to come.